I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my being single is dangerous.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
