Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
