Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
