You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
