my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
People in love make me want to vomit
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
