It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
