She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You can't special order awesome
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
