now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
