The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
