I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
