My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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