I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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