jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
