Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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