i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
