You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
