omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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