Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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