so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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