jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
