I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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