Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
do nipples grow back?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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