how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
