allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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