She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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