Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
