Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
