I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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