You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so let's talk penis.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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