wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
