the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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