Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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