Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
