So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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