I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
