Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
