My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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