I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
