I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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