why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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