"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
