i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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