This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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