THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
