i need an iv and a liver transplant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
