Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
