At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
