thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
