her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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