I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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