bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im holly from the hills drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
