I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize