What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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