Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize