he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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