Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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