There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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