problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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