shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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