As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
