just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
