I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
