I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize