my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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