Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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