Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize