is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
