He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
