Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it was like eating out sand paper
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
