Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
