I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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