the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
