why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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