I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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