How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
