i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
