sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
