girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
