A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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