the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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