Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
