we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize