I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
