looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
