She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
