I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
