Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
