I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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