So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
