She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
