East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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