If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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