So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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