I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
