haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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