? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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