just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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