It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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