if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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