hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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