he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
