Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
