the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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